Our Story

 -Anita

Where did our story begin? Maybe it was this past April on our 10th wedding anniversary when I proposed watching the movie Instant Family with the hope of starting a conversation? Or maybe in May of 2019 when friends invited us to a foster care info night at their church. But really I think there was always this possibility even back when we were dating. You see we discussed way back then (like you do) how many kids did we want (Tyce wanted 8 girls!!!) What if (because we weren’t 20 anymore) we couldn’t have our own, would we adopt? Would we do fertility treatments? We both came down on the Adoption side, knowing that there are thousands of children out there who need a loving home and if God didn’t give us our own kiddos then maybe He had plans for us to love someone else’s. Honestly I don’t think fostering entered the discussion, yet here we are. Haha.

Well, it’s been 10 years of marriage. Good times, tough times. We settled into our nice comfy rut doing our own thing — just 2 adults doing life together. We were mostly happy, comfortable, settled and have (I think) mostly accepted that we won’t have kids of our own. Of course that meant we were free to each pursue careers and volunteer opportunities with few concerns about schedules and coordination. If I worked a weekend, Tyce usually scheduled a campout with the boys’ club at church. We’d try to be busy at the same time so we could be home together otherwise.

Comfortable.

Boring.

Occasionally we’d talk about kids and options, but we never really seriously looked into anything. We’re happy, Adoption is expensive, Life is routine and comfortable. Oh, the excuses. (Self-centered? Just a tad! Oy.)

When we went to that foster care info night, though, things shifted. We learned about the number of kids in the system already. (Did you know that over 100,000 kids already have parental rights terminated and are waiting for a forever home?) We learned about why they come into care and that there are never enough foster homes/families available. We learned that the first goal of fostering is to help re-unite broken families whenever possible. We heard stories from new and veteran foster parents. There was laughter and tears in the recounting of past experiences. We were touched. We asked serious questions. We asked about living on a lake and having just one bathroom and more.

We left that night pondering things seriously, but time went by as it does and we didn’t take action. We went back to our rut. But every few weeks I would hear or read or just think of something related to foster care. For almost a year (seriously!) I wrestled privately with this feeling inside urging me to get involved. I truly believe that God was saying “I want you to do this for me. Show My Love to these hurting little ones.” And I kept saying “Lord, no! I’m happy, life is easy, we’re comfortable” and He would reply, “That’s not why you are here.” Honestly it’s a good thing whales are in short supply here in the Mid-West, or I might have had a Jonah moment. I was running Hard.

I never said a word to Tyce. This was my private struggle. More and more I was convicted. We are staunchly pro-life. We know that life begins at conception. To us, Abortion — ending a life — is morally wrong. I tell you this not to open a discussion or to convince anyone of our perspective or to shame anyone for past decisions, but so you can understand what came next. More and more I asked myself, how, as Christians who believe in the sanctity of life, can we defend the pro-life movement if we personally are not willing to step up for abandoned and hurting children after they are born as well? Imagine if every church in America had 1 or 2 foster families in the congregation. No child would be without a home. At one point during a bible study at church I broke down in tears and confessed my struggle to the wonderful ladies who were there — I don’t want to do this — I like my life. Gracious ladies that they are, they engulfed me in support, encouragement and prayer. And God wouldn’t let it rest. I’m so glad that is the case.

It seems strange to admit that in April, when I finally brought all this to Tyce I truly had a large part of me that was still reluctant to do this. It’s taken me these months later to get to where I’m excited and anxious to be licensed and waiting for The Call. But in the beginning the thoughts were more anxiety, terror and are we crazy??? I will never forget Tyce kneeling on the floor with me curled in a ball on the couch as I bawled, literally bawled, explaining why I felt we HAD to do this. That I don’t want to, but I think we have to. And with very little pause he agreed. He said look into what we have to do and let’s go for it. The man who is the youngest in his family, never babysat kids, and won’t hold anyone’s babies just looked at me and said Yes. I know he had doubts, anxiety and fear, but with no warning that I was springing this on him he jumped on board and said let’s do this. I am So Blessed.

It took a while. We were in full pandemic lockdown. Trainings were virtual, on Zoom like everything else in 2020. We finally got done with the training in July. Then the paperwork began. 20 pages of questions for each of us delving into our childhood and families and our whole lives up to now. We got that done in August. September brought Tyce’s bout with Covid just in time to push back our first home visit. Between one thing and another our home visit finally happened in late October. Then more paperwork. As of right now we *think* we have the paperwork done. Now we wait for our paperwork to be filed with the state.

Emotionally this has been a rollercoaster. We still think we’re crazy at times. Life is going to shift in drastic and completely unpredictable ways, often with no warning at all. We are hearing more and more stories of kids in care and my heart breaks for the many issues they face. Looking ahead, we are excited to welcome kids into our home, but we also have to keep in mind that while we are happy and excited to receive them, the day they come to us is probably one of the worst, most devastating days in their young lives — the trauma of losing the only home you know, even if there are good reasons for the removal. I look with longing at the empty rooms in our house that are now set up and waiting for kids to live in them. I chafe at the delays and the time it has taken to get licensed. But I know God’s timing is perfect. He has already chosen the children he will place in our care and He knows how we can support them and their birth parents in hopes that they can be a family again. We are already praying for them even though we don’t know their names.

“Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You? Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’ Matthew 25:37–40